June 19, 2008 - Journal Entry

So this is it. We come to it at last. I'm going home today. It will be my last time bringing out babies, making their bottles or being in the hoks. Who knows if/when I will ever get to come back. And even then it will be with a completely different group of people and my babies will be all grown up. I feel like I'm being robbed of seeing my own children grow up. But I have had a wonderful time here. I'm content that it was time and money well spent.

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I have to savour every minute of today. I don't want it to end. I've enjoyed the whole month here; I finally know the ropes; I like the people; I'm comfortable. I'm not ready to leave. But on the other hand, I am ready to go home and see everyone. But making the actual transition from one place to another, is throwing me once again out of my comfort zone and into unknown territory. The future - that's just scary. I have no idea what's waiting for me when I get back. Being here is like time stops. Except that it hasn't actually and when I get home I'm going to have to catch up on a whole month's worth of life. I'm not sure if I'm ready! Unfortunately, it doesn't really matter: ready or not, here I go...

June 18, 2008 - Journal Entry

Two of my supports, Holly and Jen are gone. Holly's son Howie went to the director of CARE, Lee. She said that he cried last night, of course but that he is already starting to bond with her. It helps that Lee's daughter Madie is about his age and they have been playing together during the day since they both got here. I can't imagine how Lee is functioning with both babies clinging to her. I'm sure Howie will be fine, he's a big boy - very confident. I saw pictures of him from when Holly first got him two months ago and he looked so tiny and frightened. Today Howie just slept in people's shirts instead of playing but I'm sure he'll get his confidence back eventually. Poor baby.

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There is a film crew here today. They are from some South African makeover show and are redoing the sickbay and milk kitchen. That's great but all of the workers keep hitting on the volunteers. One guy even proposed to me! I had to tell him that I was already married and he still didn't leave me alone! "Where's your ring?" he said, thinking he had caught me in my lie. "It's inside. We can't wear any jewelry in here with the babies because they take it and play with it" I answered without even thinking. Because that is true and if I did have a wedding ring, I wouldn't have been wearing it. I even had to take out my nose ring when I was in with them.

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I read mom's letter today. I thought I was going to cry but it was actually really encouraging. I'm glad I saved it until now though. I have one last letter to open from Momma Sandi. I have to remember to thank her for having everyone write them, they were a big help.

June 17, 2008 - Journal Entry

Holly and Jen are leaving today. Last night we had snickerdoodle cookies in their honor. Tom left yesterday and Holly had made sugar cookies in his honor. They all had decorations on them that had to do with Tom and CARE. One of them said "Tom loves Ling-Ling". Ling Ling is his "girlfriend" - a baboon who loves him and not many other people. Tom and Holly have been the resident bakers in the house and it will be much less fun without them. But last night, Ali really stepped it up with the snickerdoodle's. We didn't even have any butter, so they used custard flavored yogurt! LOL It worked out well though, they were delicious. Lucy always has a glass of red wine after dinner ad is fine, but for whatever reason tonight she got drunk. She fell asleep on the table and when we woke her up she was crying and couldn't walk to our room by herself. She fell once or twice on the way! I think she's having some trouble here. She is pretty reserved and the baboons don't really respect her at all so they are mischievous around her. Hopefully, she'll adjust soon because she's supposed to stay for another few weeks.

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Yesterday when Gaby and I were in smalls, all of a sudden all the babies started staring at something in the corner. They were jumping up and down, trying to mob it. I noticed them acting weird and went to see what they were looking at and there was a tiny brown snake just on the other side of the gate. Gabby calls Jen over to look at it and she says it's not a nice one! So she got Paul. Elena and Stephen. They come running and Paul gets it up in a bucket and takes it away. I'm not sure if he killed it or released it, but it was a puff adder - a really dangerous, venomous snake! Ever since, I've been realizing that out here, there is a lot of stuff that can kill you! I myself do admire and value wildlife of all kinds, but I'd rather it not be in my home. Unfortunately, with people building homes where wildlife should be, it becomes a problem...

June 15, 2008 - Journal Entry

Apparently, Ryann is sick. She told Zurika that she has an immune deficiency that's "like mono". She's so full of it! Her lies never even make sense because she's not smart enough to tell such extraordinary stories! She's told us that she's marrying a guy that she's been with for one month, that she's related to a playboy bunny and visits "Uncle Heff" at the mansion all the time, and that she's going to take home "one of the free puppies that they give away at the airport"! WTH!! Ugh!

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I am tired of all the shit. I am tired of smelling like shit. I am tired of waking up in the morning and putting on shit-covered clothes. I am tired of getting shit on all day. I am tired of worrying about getting shit in my hair. I am tired of being forced into taking a cold shower in order to not go to bed smelling like shit. I am tired of hearing people's annoying, ridiculous, crazy shit. I want to go home. I am tired of all of this shit.

June 14, 2008 - Journal Entry

Two new volunteers came yesterday. Jewel and Amanda. They both seem cool. Jewel seems really shy and unsure of herself around the baboons, but I'm sure that will change. Amanda was here before two years ago. She seems really chill, thank God. I don't think we could handle another nutcase like Ryann. She goes to Tufts but was abroad here for the spring semester (with one of my acquaintances from Penn) so she decided to come back once she was done with school.

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Yesterday I had afternoon cleanup for the first time in a week because I was housemaster. Gabby and Ryann were scheduled to be on it with me. I figured that Ryan would have no idea, because she pays no attention to the schedule. So Gabby and I found her to make sure that she knew about it. She told us that she is allergic to hay and that her "bronchial passages would close up and she would have to be rushed to the hospital". First of all, given that all of her stories are probably lies, I didn't even want to hear it and just walked away from her mid sentence. Secondly, she was sitting in the hay all day in the hoks and she was fine. I was so irritated. That's the last straw for me.

June 13, 2008 - Journal Entry

Last night, Holly, Gabby, Liz and I stayed up talking and drinking Springbok shots: peppermint liquor and a special South African liquor that tastes like creamy chocolate! Mmm. We finished the whole bottle of peppermint vodka. I think I'll save the bottle of Wild African Cream to take home. Update on crazy Ryann: she's not leaving! And she's definitely a compulsive liar. First of all, she doesn't seem to be in mourning at all. She's been telling everyone - uninvited - about the gruesome details about her friend's deaths. But who am I to judge? And secondly, last night at dinner when everyone was playing "Two Truths and a Lie" as an icebreaker game, she told us that she was molested for several years as a child! She just announced it to the entire table! Everyone was dead silent except Ashlee who said "Well, that's definitely true" LOL It was so awkward! On another note, when Nao was cleaning out Michaela's old room for the two new volunteers who are coming, she found a whole ton of dirt and a decaying mouse! Gross!

June 12, 2008 - Journal Entry 2

Last night, I stayed up with Ashlee, Holly and Gabby and we each told our life stories. LOL It sounds silly but it was a god talk. I learned a lot about each of them. I found out that Gabby has an identical twin sister named Anna and is half Ecuadorean. I'm starting to feel a little bit bad for Ryann because none of us really talk to her. I mean it's like a complete freeze out. But in our defense, when she first got here she said some really crazy things so none of us really know how to act around her. She's young - just turned 18 and says a lot of immature things. Like she's trying to give a "I don't give a f*ck" attitude, which is a real turnoff. I don't know exactly what her deal is but whatever.

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So today was going really well until about ten minutes ago. Everyone ( except Ryann) was walking back to the lodge after taking the babies inside for the night. Gabby was telling us that she had over heard Ryann on the phone with her mom saying that she wanted to go home because the conditions here are awful. But to all of us, she's said that she loves it. When she got here she said that she had watched the Animal Planet Episode fifty times and even brought a gift for Rita. She was even convinced that after two days, the babies were so attached to her already and remind her of people from home. And she bought a whole crap load of junk food today. Anyway, we get back up to the mountain lodge and Ryann is sitting at the table crying and smoking. Lucy and Gabby are the first ones to get in the door and they ask her whats wrong. She tells us all that two of her best lifelong friends from home were killed in a car accident yesterday. Sh says she wants to go home but doesn't want to desert the babies. She also says that she only bought a one way ticket here because she didn't have any more money and that her mother was going to buy a return ticket at the end of her stay. The whole thing sounded pretty incredulous to me but of course no one was going to challenge her story. We can only assume she's telling the truth...