June 19, 2008 - Journal Entry

So this is it. We come to it at last. I'm going home today. It will be my last time bringing out babies, making their bottles or being in the hoks. Who knows if/when I will ever get to come back. And even then it will be with a completely different group of people and my babies will be all grown up. I feel like I'm being robbed of seeing my own children grow up. But I have had a wonderful time here. I'm content that it was time and money well spent.

~

I have to savour every minute of today. I don't want it to end. I've enjoyed the whole month here; I finally know the ropes; I like the people; I'm comfortable. I'm not ready to leave. But on the other hand, I am ready to go home and see everyone. But making the actual transition from one place to another, is throwing me once again out of my comfort zone and into unknown territory. The future - that's just scary. I have no idea what's waiting for me when I get back. Being here is like time stops. Except that it hasn't actually and when I get home I'm going to have to catch up on a whole month's worth of life. I'm not sure if I'm ready! Unfortunately, it doesn't really matter: ready or not, here I go...

June 18, 2008 - Journal Entry

Two of my supports, Holly and Jen are gone. Holly's son Howie went to the director of CARE, Lee. She said that he cried last night, of course but that he is already starting to bond with her. It helps that Lee's daughter Madie is about his age and they have been playing together during the day since they both got here. I can't imagine how Lee is functioning with both babies clinging to her. I'm sure Howie will be fine, he's a big boy - very confident. I saw pictures of him from when Holly first got him two months ago and he looked so tiny and frightened. Today Howie just slept in people's shirts instead of playing but I'm sure he'll get his confidence back eventually. Poor baby.

~

There is a film crew here today. They are from some South African makeover show and are redoing the sickbay and milk kitchen. That's great but all of the workers keep hitting on the volunteers. One guy even proposed to me! I had to tell him that I was already married and he still didn't leave me alone! "Where's your ring?" he said, thinking he had caught me in my lie. "It's inside. We can't wear any jewelry in here with the babies because they take it and play with it" I answered without even thinking. Because that is true and if I did have a wedding ring, I wouldn't have been wearing it. I even had to take out my nose ring when I was in with them.

~

I read mom's letter today. I thought I was going to cry but it was actually really encouraging. I'm glad I saved it until now though. I have one last letter to open from Momma Sandi. I have to remember to thank her for having everyone write them, they were a big help.

June 17, 2008 - Journal Entry

Holly and Jen are leaving today. Last night we had snickerdoodle cookies in their honor. Tom left yesterday and Holly had made sugar cookies in his honor. They all had decorations on them that had to do with Tom and CARE. One of them said "Tom loves Ling-Ling". Ling Ling is his "girlfriend" - a baboon who loves him and not many other people. Tom and Holly have been the resident bakers in the house and it will be much less fun without them. But last night, Ali really stepped it up with the snickerdoodle's. We didn't even have any butter, so they used custard flavored yogurt! LOL It worked out well though, they were delicious. Lucy always has a glass of red wine after dinner ad is fine, but for whatever reason tonight she got drunk. She fell asleep on the table and when we woke her up she was crying and couldn't walk to our room by herself. She fell once or twice on the way! I think she's having some trouble here. She is pretty reserved and the baboons don't really respect her at all so they are mischievous around her. Hopefully, she'll adjust soon because she's supposed to stay for another few weeks.

~

Yesterday when Gaby and I were in smalls, all of a sudden all the babies started staring at something in the corner. They were jumping up and down, trying to mob it. I noticed them acting weird and went to see what they were looking at and there was a tiny brown snake just on the other side of the gate. Gabby calls Jen over to look at it and she says it's not a nice one! So she got Paul. Elena and Stephen. They come running and Paul gets it up in a bucket and takes it away. I'm not sure if he killed it or released it, but it was a puff adder - a really dangerous, venomous snake! Ever since, I've been realizing that out here, there is a lot of stuff that can kill you! I myself do admire and value wildlife of all kinds, but I'd rather it not be in my home. Unfortunately, with people building homes where wildlife should be, it becomes a problem...

June 15, 2008 - Journal Entry

Apparently, Ryann is sick. She told Zurika that she has an immune deficiency that's "like mono". She's so full of it! Her lies never even make sense because she's not smart enough to tell such extraordinary stories! She's told us that she's marrying a guy that she's been with for one month, that she's related to a playboy bunny and visits "Uncle Heff" at the mansion all the time, and that she's going to take home "one of the free puppies that they give away at the airport"! WTH!! Ugh!

~

I am tired of all the shit. I am tired of smelling like shit. I am tired of waking up in the morning and putting on shit-covered clothes. I am tired of getting shit on all day. I am tired of worrying about getting shit in my hair. I am tired of being forced into taking a cold shower in order to not go to bed smelling like shit. I am tired of hearing people's annoying, ridiculous, crazy shit. I want to go home. I am tired of all of this shit.

June 14, 2008 - Journal Entry

Two new volunteers came yesterday. Jewel and Amanda. They both seem cool. Jewel seems really shy and unsure of herself around the baboons, but I'm sure that will change. Amanda was here before two years ago. She seems really chill, thank God. I don't think we could handle another nutcase like Ryann. She goes to Tufts but was abroad here for the spring semester (with one of my acquaintances from Penn) so she decided to come back once she was done with school.

~

Yesterday I had afternoon cleanup for the first time in a week because I was housemaster. Gabby and Ryann were scheduled to be on it with me. I figured that Ryan would have no idea, because she pays no attention to the schedule. So Gabby and I found her to make sure that she knew about it. She told us that she is allergic to hay and that her "bronchial passages would close up and she would have to be rushed to the hospital". First of all, given that all of her stories are probably lies, I didn't even want to hear it and just walked away from her mid sentence. Secondly, she was sitting in the hay all day in the hoks and she was fine. I was so irritated. That's the last straw for me.

June 13, 2008 - Journal Entry

Last night, Holly, Gabby, Liz and I stayed up talking and drinking Springbok shots: peppermint liquor and a special South African liquor that tastes like creamy chocolate! Mmm. We finished the whole bottle of peppermint vodka. I think I'll save the bottle of Wild African Cream to take home. Update on crazy Ryann: she's not leaving! And she's definitely a compulsive liar. First of all, she doesn't seem to be in mourning at all. She's been telling everyone - uninvited - about the gruesome details about her friend's deaths. But who am I to judge? And secondly, last night at dinner when everyone was playing "Two Truths and a Lie" as an icebreaker game, she told us that she was molested for several years as a child! She just announced it to the entire table! Everyone was dead silent except Ashlee who said "Well, that's definitely true" LOL It was so awkward! On another note, when Nao was cleaning out Michaela's old room for the two new volunteers who are coming, she found a whole ton of dirt and a decaying mouse! Gross!

June 12, 2008 - Journal Entry 2

Last night, I stayed up with Ashlee, Holly and Gabby and we each told our life stories. LOL It sounds silly but it was a god talk. I learned a lot about each of them. I found out that Gabby has an identical twin sister named Anna and is half Ecuadorean. I'm starting to feel a little bit bad for Ryann because none of us really talk to her. I mean it's like a complete freeze out. But in our defense, when she first got here she said some really crazy things so none of us really know how to act around her. She's young - just turned 18 and says a lot of immature things. Like she's trying to give a "I don't give a f*ck" attitude, which is a real turnoff. I don't know exactly what her deal is but whatever.

~

So today was going really well until about ten minutes ago. Everyone ( except Ryann) was walking back to the lodge after taking the babies inside for the night. Gabby was telling us that she had over heard Ryann on the phone with her mom saying that she wanted to go home because the conditions here are awful. But to all of us, she's said that she loves it. When she got here she said that she had watched the Animal Planet Episode fifty times and even brought a gift for Rita. She was even convinced that after two days, the babies were so attached to her already and remind her of people from home. And she bought a whole crap load of junk food today. Anyway, we get back up to the mountain lodge and Ryann is sitting at the table crying and smoking. Lucy and Gabby are the first ones to get in the door and they ask her whats wrong. She tells us all that two of her best lifelong friends from home were killed in a car accident yesterday. Sh says she wants to go home but doesn't want to desert the babies. She also says that she only bought a one way ticket here because she didn't have any more money and that her mother was going to buy a return ticket at the end of her stay. The whole thing sounded pretty incredulous to me but of course no one was going to challenge her story. We can only assume she's telling the truth...

June 12, 2008 - Journal Entry 1

Seven days. That's it. After all this time, it's come down to the last seven days. I'm going to read one letter from home every day. On another note, Roxy - an older baboon who is in with the small babies because she was so low ranked in every other troop - went after me today. Twice. With the slow deliberation that she gos after the other babies. Normally she is so sweet with anyone who is in the hok. This is the first troop in which she's been one of the alpha females and can groom with us, the dominant troop members, whenever she wants. So she normally spends all of her time during the day grooming with us or chastising the other babies for whatever reason. Recently, however she's been held inside all day recovering from surgery; there was a mass removed from her chest. Now that she's back in the hoks, she seems more domineering, even with us. Luckily, this time I was watching her as she did it. I pulled my arm away from her when she was trying to groom it and she opened her mouth to bite me. She was looking right in my eyes and I could see that she meant to make a point. I had to give her what she wanted or else. She did it twice! And when I yelled at her to stop, she moved away from me, whining. I can't help but take it personal because as far as I know, she's never gone after anyone else like that. It was really weird. I'm trying not to stress about it but it put me in a bad mood. And I have another shift in there later. We'll see how it goes. By the way, I finally washed my hair! LOL Yay!

~

My second shift in smalls was much better than the first. I was with my roommate, Lucy. And I was worried at first because they don't respect her. I knew that if Roxy(or anyone, really) tried anything, Lucy wouldn't have known what to do. But I just sat on the other side of the hok and Roxy stayed with Lucy the whole time. Fiore cuddled with me for a while and Diva (who looks like a gremlin) and Susie (pink nose cutie) sat with me too. I had to break up a few fights but I was so fed up with them by then that it was no problem. Then once food and bottles came halfway through, they all calmed down anyway.

June 11 2008 - Journal Entry

Okay, the time has come to record all of the things that have been going on. First, daily complaints: the power has been shotty all week so I have taken like four cold showers in a row and of course, have not washed my hair! We've had two different electricians come to try and figure out the problem, one of which is the one who installed everything when the mountain lodge was first built a few years ago. But so far, no luck. Whenever we turn on more than two things at the same time(ex: shower heaters and oven or microwave and stove, etc), everything goes out in the lodge and at the Triple A where the staffers live. So on top of everything, dinner has become even more bland lately. We've had to get creative and be very patient and for the most part, it's just been stew or pasta.

There is a new volunteer who came last night and she's insane! Her name is Ryann. She's 18, fresh out of high school and (I'm convinced) a compulsive liar. She told us already that she has ADD and I'm sure she's on a few other medications too. She's also a fanatic of Insane Clown Posse. They call themselves Jugglers and Jugglets. When you first meet Ryann it's...overwhelming to say the least. She talks too much and she says the most inappropriate things that only she laughs at. Her laugh is over the top and annoying. No one likes her. Even the staff is convinced that she's crazy.

Last night, Holly and Tom made apple carrot cake. It was so good! And the icing was white and pink with a picture of Tommy Lee (the baboon) on it. Tommy deserves his own cake because not only is he a sweetheart, but he's retarded. Literally. He was snatched from his mother as a baby and the other female dropped him on his head. So he is a little unpredictable but very entertaining. He always looks like he doesn't quite know what's going on and he doesn't move like a baboon, but he smiles a lot. Anyway, they made the pink icing from food coloring and Zurika decided that it would be fun to dye Liz's blonde hair pink! LOL She just did a few streaks and it did actually look good. Then they started face painting and it all got out of hand. LOL
Tomorrow is my last day as housemaster, thank God. These people are gross and I'm tired of doing every one's dishes at night. But tomorrow also means only one week left! Scary! But i think I'll be ready when it comes.

June 8, 2008 - Journal Entry

Today was the day! We went to Kruger! It was a really good day and I got some great photos. We had to meet our guide David at 6AM so that we could take advantage of all the daylight hours. I learned that Phalaborwa, the name of the closest town means "better than the south" because it was supposedly the best oil producing town, years ago. We saw several Baobob trees, called the "Tree of Life" because every part of it is edible. Elephants love it. The real ones are much nicer than the replica at the Philly Zoo. LOL Even though ours is one of only two in the US and the other is Rafiki's tree at Animal Kingdom at Disney World (or Land?), so that's pretty cool. We saw plenty of elephants, hippos, crocodiles and impala, who are called cockroaches because they are everywhere! But I think they're beautiful! We also saw Nyala, another type of antelope, giraffes and zebra butts (as they walked away from us LOL). And we saw huge ground hornbills and plenty of other cool birds. We stopped at one of the camps for lunch and went into the elephant museum too.

It was a long day in the car (12 hrs), but it was a lot of fun and it reminded me of my last trip here. I wish that I could have seen more of the country this time but oh, well. It does kind of suck also that now I have nothing to look forward to except going home...

June 7, 2008 - Journal Entry

I feel awful. I'm supposed to be going into a nearby game reserve, Kruger National Park on Sunday. It's HUGE. There are camps there for tourists and we stayed in one the last time I was here with JZAP. This would just be a day trip though. Anyway, I found out that my bank account is frozen until Monday because I never called the bank to tell them that I was going to be here and mom just called them on Friday. It takes a few days to process. So I have to borrow money from Sue. It's only 600 rand, which is a little less than $100, but I don't feel comfortable borrowing it from her. On the one hand, the Kruger trip has already been organized and I really want to go. And I will be able to pay her back anytime after Monday. But I hate asking for money from people who I know and love and who trust me - much less from someone who barely knows me. I mean I'm good for it obviously, but it's a significant amount of money and she has no reason to trust me. I'll be glad when this is all over.

So...the electricity went out and we ate dinner by candlelight. Stephen and Paul cooked outside over a fire and all of the showers were cold as opposed to usually when only the last few are. We were supposed to have Paul's famous pancakes and french toast tonight bit since the stove is electric, that was a no go. Oh well, I'm sure tomorrow will be fun at Kruger...

June 6, 2008 - Journal Entry

I'm starting to feel torn. Especially when I sit still. I feel sad and peaceful. Like I belong here, but not completely. I want to go home, but not really. I miss Omar, but I'm in love with these baboons. When I sit still, I want to laugh and cry all at the same time. I'm grateful for this experience, but I hate that it has to end. I have cravings sometimes for things at home. Especially things that remind me of him. I miss my best friend. One of our favorite conversations around here is the "What's the first thing you're going to do when you get home?" or even better, "What's the first meal you're going to eat when you get home?" That's always a good one. I know that I'm probably thinking too much and not savoring this enough but I can't help it. How can I be fully here when my heart is back home?

When I sit still

and the world is quiet

when the sun is shining

and the birds are chirping

when the chores are done

and time slows down

I look out over the world below

and my thoughts wander to you

I wonder where you are

and what you're doing

who you're with

and where you're going

I wonder how you are spending your time

and if I occupy your thoughts like you haunt mine

I imagine what you would say

if you were here with me now

The affection we would share

and the love you would show

I wonder if you are sleeping

and what you might be dreaming

I sit still and ponder the passage of time

and how our lives, though separated, still run in parallel lines

June 5, 2008 - Journal Entry

Michaela is leaving early tomorrow morning. She's been here for over a year and it's obvious how much she adores all of the baboons. All day today and yesterday all she did was walk around taking pictures of them. As far as I can tell, she hasn't taken any pictures of people. LOL Michaela is a tiny little Aussie who rarely wears anything that isn't already ripped (granted that's not completely uncommon here though). She eats enough for three people and has a bubbly laugh and a compassionate nature. She is Jasper's last real friend. Her watch always runs slow, but she resets it daily rather than just get another one. Thus, she is always late. And now she is leaving. It will suck to lose another vegetarian (who really counts for three). There will only be four of us left. But you learn to move on quickly here. People are constantly coming and going. And although you do miss them, you adjust. Life goes on.

June 4, 2008 - Journal Entry

I am starting to dread going home. On the one hand, I can't wait to see my family and friends again. But on the other hand, I'm not ready to deal with the responsibilities that will be waiting for me. I am now a senior in college and Lord willing, about to graduate. I am director of African Rhythms Drum and Dance Troupe at school. I have two jobs and two classes to complete this summer. I do too much. Here, all I have to do is love and look after babies. Simple. I almost feel guilty because I am getting so much from them. Also, my vision of being reunited with Omar might be better than what the reality will be. Much more romantic, I'm sure. Let me just hold on to my dream. It keeps me happy to be able to look forward to it. I forget the troubles that lie just under the surface and are waiting to come out once we have time to deal with them again. And the new ones that have yet to reveal themselves. Tomorrow will be two weeks. The halfway mark. I don't even want to think about how fast two weeks flies by.

June 3, 2008 - Journal Entry

The struggle to preserve life so often feels like a losing battle. Yesterday, one of the babies from an older troop was grabbed from his mother through the fence by a wild male. The male probably would have killed it if Stephen hadn't intervened. When they brought the baby into the sickbay, I was in the next room washing bottles out and I saw it. There was a lot of blood. I hope the baby will be okay. I feel like this whole thing has been a slap in the face for me. A harsh reminder that these are still wild animals and that most of the time, life isn't fair. Every one of these babies who I've come to love so much, ultimately has a sad story. They shouldn't have to be here. I think that in all of the excitement of actually being in Africa, I had forgotten why I actually came here. This isn't about me. It's about helping to give a second chance to these ultimately innocent animals. I need to stop complaining about my own discomfort and remember my calling. There is a reason that God made my heart so sensitive to the well being of His creatures. I have a job to do and this is a part of my training.

I just spent an hour sitting in Rita's living room with the baby who was snatched. His name is Augustus. He's adorable and so sweet. He lip smacked me a lot and seems to be doing much better. They are keeping him in a cage until his wounds heal and then he will go back with his troop. He was calling (wahooing) for them, but otherwise he didn't seem too stressed. He was drinking milk and even ate a few grapes that I gave him, but only the meaty part. He would chew on the grape and then spit out the skin. At the end of the hour, we took the whole cage and put it into the smalls hok so that he would have some company.

So today went well, except for afternoon cleanup which was pretty awful. And I have it again tomorrow. But we had pizza for dinner which was nice. Sue went into town and picked it up for everyone. She also picked up a new volunteer named Gabby. She seems cool and I'm getting along well with everyone else. And with the hok change it's a much friendlier atmosphere all around. Jasper is still being a baby but I don't feel bad anymore. The baboons are getting to know me better, as are the people. And two weeks left to go is starting to sound like a really short amount of time. I went down to the beach with Holly and Liz today which was nice. We saw two giraffes walking on the beach across the river and a crocodile too. My hair is really dirty but I haven't had time to wash it yet. But all in all things are going really well.

June 2, 2008 - Journal Entry

It's 6:00 in the morning. It's still dark. And it's raining. Why am I up? I have a feed room shift at 7:00. But I heard a lion roaring last night. It sounded just like my Merlin back at Philly Zoo. I also heard elephants trumpeting! You gotta love living out here. So the move is happening today for sure! I definitely think things will be better now.

It's 10:00. I just had my first shift with smalls in their new hok and it went pretty well. Jasper was crying and mooing (crying for his troop) for most of it. As much as he deserves every bit of bullying that he gets, I can't help but feel bad for him when I'm in their watching it. He's still not nice but he is scared. I think he'll be okay though, he's a big boy and once he stops crying and puts up a fight, I'm sure he can hold his own. But now I really wish that I had scruffed him yesterday before the move because if I do it now it's just kicking him when he's down. Zurika was in there with me and she comforted him for most of the hour. But I couldn't believe it, when I wasn't watching him and someone else bit him, he ran behind me and bit me hard in my back like three times! Unbelievable! Still, I comforted him when he came to me. I was the bigger primate.

On another note, I can't wait to go into nursery. It's going to be great without Jasper bullying everyone. The three new babies plus Howie and Maddie will eventually form the core of our newest troop who are now in what's being called the playroom. But until they get used to being on their own, certain nursery babies will be allowed to go in from time to time. So we'll see how it goes!

June 1, 2008 - Journal Entry

First day of June! Yay! I have to admit, the days are going by quickly. I feel at the same time like I just got here and also like I've been here forever. It's weird. We are getting two new volunteers tomorrow. That should be interesting.

Last night Tom, Ashlee, Susan, Zurika, Elena and Stephen played spoons after dinner. It was so much fun. But we were shushed by Lee via Paul. We were trying to be quiet but everyone was laughing and Zurika especially has the loudest, bubbliest laugh ever so when we saw a flashlight ("torch") coming up the hill, we got scared because we thought that it was Lee and Zurika said that she would be upset if she had to walk all the way up here from the house where the staff lives. So being in a silly mood, we all run into the pantry to hide! Of course it wasn't hard to find us though so when Paul came in, he was a litle irritated that we were hiding from him. LOL He told us that Lee said "I can hear you above the TV". Now besides the fact that sound carries amazingly well in the bush, it was only 9:00 at night! No wonder everyone goes to bed so early here, because apparently we're too rambunctious to entertain ourselves after dark. LOL Oh well.



Okay I need to complain a little before I go to bed. First of all, I hate that little bastard Jasper! The last time that I was in the hok with him, Zurika and Holly said that the next time he bit me, that I should scruff him and hold him down to make him respect me. Unfortunately, both times that I tried to do that, he bit the shit out of me again! The only good thing was that it happened right at the end of my shift, so no one saw the tears after I slipped out of the hok. And the other babies didn't mob me and back Jasper up, so that was good. In fact they seemed to be on my side and a few of them even came and sat with me after the first scuffle, as if they were trying to comfort me. I really do love those babies. Except for Jasper the demon, whom I sincerely hate!

But I'm actually in a pretty good mood now. I talked to Omar today which was nice and we had fried green tomatoes for dinner which were delicious. And the new hok in the garage is finally done so the move is happening tomorrow. So all in all, I'm good. Despite being bit badly by Jasper and despite having a cleanup shift tomorrow, tonight I am going to have a good night.

May 31, 2008 - Journal Entry

It's hot today. Still comfortable but sleepy, "I don't wanna work" hot. And there's a (baboon) food shortage, so we all have to work. Stephen and Paul's trip was postponed and there are definitely three new babies coming in to start a troop with Howie (Holly's son) and Maddie (Lee's daughter). The smalls (and Jasper!) will move into a much bigger hok in the garage and the nursery babies will move into the hok where the smalls are now. Exciting!

Dinner last night was pretty interesting. Michaela, a tiny vegetarian woman from Australia who can eat for three people, was cooking with Sue, an older British woman who used to be in the army and is pretty controlling. But neither of them realized that they were cooking beforehand. My roommate Lucy was also assisting. Sue was off somewhere so Michaela and Lucy started without her. Once she did come in, sparks flew. Michaela and Sue fought about what to make, how much of it to make, etc. And this is after Michaela and Lucy had already started. Michaela is the only person that I have ever seen actually stand up to Sue, who can be a bit of a bully. It was great! But also kind of awkward for the rest of us who were just sitting there waiting for dinner. So we all decided to go up on the balcony and do some star gazing.

Poor Lucy was caught right in the middle of it all. And she had already had a rough day. Earlier that day she was mobbed by all of the babies in smalls because she had tried to wear a scarf to avoid getting her hair pulled out, but of course they just snatched the scarf off and when she reprimanded them, they mobbed her. there is one little girl in particular named Ling Ling, who none of the girls like because she loves to run by, snatch out a handful of hair and floss with it! Especially if your hair is long. I've never had a problem with her because she can't rip out one my locks so she only occasionally can get any strands from me. But she always gets Lucy really badly. And to add to the problem, Lucy was in the hok with a guy named Tom who Ling Ling loves so she was feeling extra confident when Lucy tried unsuccessfully to reprimand her.

Anyway, Lucy just got overwhelmed and ran out of the hok crying after about ten minutes. So at dinner Lucy, who usually has a few glasses of wine a night, had a few more than usual. LOL She was fine, she just became more chatty than usual. Normally she is very reserved And after dinner she got into a heated debate with Paul about the merits of being a vegetarian. There are several of us so we backed her up a little but for the most part, I try to avoid that conversation, especially with people who are already set in their ways like Paul!

May 30, 2008 - Journal Entry

Beverly, or Bev is around forty years old, Southern and has one of the biggest, most jovial laughs I've ever heard. She's a pastor, which I never would have guessed because she's so much fun to be around, and I didn't find out until after we had already become friends. I wonder what it must be like for her to be living with and hanging around so many college students for a whole month. But if it did ever bother her, Bev never let it show. She has a way of making everyone feel like family. The two of us talked for about an hour the other day about our lives, families and how we ended up here. She, like everyone else here, hated it for the first few days. But now her love for the babies and all of us is obvious. And oddly enough, even though I've only known her for a week, I'm going to miss her. You bond quickly under these circumstances.

Bev is leaving in half an hour. It's going to feel kind of empty here without her. Last night at dinner she read the most beautiful poem that she had written about CARE called "Baboon Days and Baboon Nights". It perfectly captured this whole experience. I have to get a copy of it from her somehow. I suggested that she turn it into a children's book complete with pictures. I hope she actually does it.

Paul and Stephen, the only guys on the staff, are supposed to be leaving tomorrow to go check out a possible release site for another troop of baboons. That's good, but I'm not doing so well dealing with so many people leaving. In three days Susan leaves. I think that's it until Jen and Holly who leave the same week that I do. I wonder how the house dynamics will change when we start to get new people coming in.

It's 9:00 at night now. Everyone's getting ready for bed. We go to sleep early here but after dinner there isn't much to do. Anyway, my schedules have gotten considerably longer. Instead of 3 or 4 hours of work every day, now it's 6 or 7. They were definately just breaking me in the first week. This morning I got up at 7AM to sort avacados and I have my first afternoon clean up shift tomorrow, which I'm not looking forward to. Three more weeks. I told my mom about the rats and she freaked out too. If I had told her that one was in my bed she probably would have been on the next plane with my cats in toe ready to cuss these people out.

I'm not feeling so jazzed about being here right now. That seems to happen mostly at night. During the day I'm distracted with work and being social and its warm and beautiful. At night it's uncomfortable and cold and rat-infested and I would give anything to be home with my boyfriend, in my bed ordering a pizza. But I am trying to be positive. Three more weeks...

May 29, 2008 - Journal Entry

I can't believe that I've actually been here for one whole week! Only three more left...and I'm actually really starting to like it here. I haven't seen the babies in two days because I wasn't feeling well and I miss them! Weird, I know. Also, I heard that we are supposed to be getting some new babies soon and starting a new troop. This also means that the smalls will be moving to a new hok away from the nursery (which is currently right next door) and Jasper will be moving with them! I mean really he is there age but apparently he was depressed in their before and so they put him in with nursery, but it was only supposed to be temporary. Now he considers them his troop and vice verse. So when they tried to put him back in with the smalls, they beat him up and when he cried, the nursery babies would back him up and start flashing (a sign of aggression) the smalls. This would mean both troops mobbing each other, which is never good. Now that the nursery babies won't be able to hear him crying, he'll just have to suck it up and adjust. Not to say that I don't feel a little bit bad for him, but without him the atmosphere in nursery would be so much better!

Today is shopping day and thank god because there is no food in this house. You would think that if every week, we run out of food two days before shopping day, then we need to start buying more food...but it has yet to happen that way. For lunch today I will be eating leftovers from last nights adventure into the real world. We all splurged. I even had dessert!

It's 6:00 and its been a long day. The air around here is tense. There seems to be a lot going on with the staff, but of course the volunteers aren't privy to any of the details, only bits and pieces that we mostly just overhear. And personally, I had four shifts with the babies instead of my usual three. I think that they were just going easy on me for the first week. Anyway, at first I was glad for the extra time because I had missed two days with them. But by the time that last 4-5 shift rolled around, I was worn out. The babies were all cranky and sleepy by then too. And people were trying to clean up while I was in there, which is always akward. And on top of all of that, when I was sitting up against the fence that borders one of the older troops (they're about four years old), one of them grabbed my hair and yanked it and would not let go. I screamed, it hurt so bad! Whoever it was finally let go once someone else came up and banged on the fence. Honestly though, I know that it could have been much worse so I can't really complain. They're cheeky little monkeys! Oh well, at the end of a long day, a hot shower and a good meal fixes everything!

May 28, 2008 - Journal Entry

Today is laundry day for me. Thank God because I have no clean clothes left. I've been wearing the same pair of pants for two days now which is disgusting but unfortunately not uncommon around here. There is a community chest of clothes but I haven't worked up the nerve to dig into it yet. My pride won't let me. But I don't think that I can wake up another morning and put on clothes that have already been babooned. Since I'm not on the schedule today I think I'll just walk around and take some pictures and avoid getting any dirtier.

Susan, the pre-vet student adopted a baby vervet monkey with a concussion to try and nurse it back to health. It's adorable and tiny. She named him Marley.

I finished reading "A Primate's Memoir" and started reading "The Tribe of Tiger". It's making me miss my cats. That's what this place is missing, a cat. It could help with all of the rats, which I no longer have any sympathy for. Listening to them scurrying around at night really does make me want to go home.

It's cool today. And there's a nice breeze. I'm sitting upstairs on the balcony of the lodge looking out over the river. It's a pretty amazing view. The slight smell of wood (what the beams of the lodge are made of) really makes it feel like I'm just away at camp. Molly, one of Rita's dogs is barking at the wild baboons outside of the gate. I can hear the workers talking to each other down the hil in the feedroom even though I can't understand any of it. It's a lazy day. It feels like it should be a weekend. But really, weekends don't mean much around here. We have to take care of the baboons every day, obviously. But the days are very relaxed. We do a few hours of work and just enjoy each others company for the rest of the time. It still seems surreal to actually be in Africa.

It's 10:30 at night. Marley, the baby vervet monkey died a few hours ago. Susan was here watching him with Holly and Howie. Michaela, Zurika, Stephen and Elena stayed behind too. The rest of us went out to dinner at a resteraunt called Spurs to celebrate a woman named Beverly's last night with us. Spurs is sort of like South Africa's version of Applebees. We all hopped in the back of Sue's pickup truck, at night, and rode into town. It was great. There night sky here is amazing. I've never seen so many stars out! And we saw at least three shooting stars! I'm a little too tired to get into all of the details now, but everyone had a good time.

May 27, 2008 - Journal Entry

Another one bites the dust. I'm staying in bed today. Yesterday the nausea and dizziness didn't go away and I almost passed out during my last shift, cleaning bottles. Yes, I finished all of my shifts. I thought that I would be okay just resting on my breaks. And in my defense, sitting with the babies wasn't so bad. It was only when I exerted energy that I got really dizzy. I didn't eat anything yesterday either for fear of throwing up so that probably didn't help. When I told my mom, she insisted that I let them know I was sick instead of just going right to sleep like I had intended to. So I did and everyone was really nice about it. One girl named Susan even brought me tea. That made me feel a lot more at home here because I always seem to revert back to a three year old, and want my parents or boyfriend to take care of me when I get sick. But I suppose in this case, having friends is the next best thing.

It's 9:00 at night. And it's been a good day. I rested for most of it and I'm feeling much better. I bonded with the girls over dinner and we sang "Across the Universe" songs. I heard some gossip about one of the couples here, which may or may not be true - but we get really bored here without a TV so whatever, it's entertaining. One of the girls named Liz also told me that the wild troop have harassed her on more than one ocassion and that one of the females even bit her! Now I've never had this problem and I was told when I first got here that as long as you respect them, they will respect you. So basically, ignore them and they will ignore you. So much for that. I think they can sense your fear and will pick on you if they know you're afraid. Bullies.

I also got to talk to mom and Omar, which was nice. So all things considered, its been a pretty productive day. Even though I'm feeling better, Zurika decided to leave me off of the schedule tomorrow just in case. So I have to figure out if/when I'm going to head down to the hoks. We'll see...

May 26, 2008 - Journal Entry

I don't feel so good. I'm hoping its just cramps and nothing worse because several people are sick already. I think it's the smell. Everywhere you go in this place is the overpowering, inescapable smell of shit. It can't be good for you.

Last night was by far the worst night since I've been here. While I was getting ready for bed, I saw a mosquito on my bed netting. I killed it, but I freaked out because I had gotten lax about putting on bug repellant because I was told that mosquitoes weren't a problem in the winter! So I proceeded to slather repellant on my neck and hands, both of which would be covered once I got into bed anyway. I also saw what looked like a hornet buzzing around our ceiling light and freaked out again. I turned the light off and jumped into bed before I was actually ready. So my hair wasn't covered. Earlier at dinner, one of the girls who has been here before, Holly told us that her first night here she didn't have a tent and woke up with a rat burrowing in her hair! So last night I woke up to someone puking next door in the bathroom and a few minutes later I felt the unmistakeable sensation of an animal crawling over my foot. I'm quite familiar with this feeling from having had cats for so long, but this time I again freaked out. I flopped around for a few minutes hoping to scare it away. Successful. But then I couldn't sleep because I could hear it still in the room scurrying around.

A few minutes later my roomate Lucy starts thrashing around. "Oh no", I'm thinking "It's in her tent now". Whereas it was probably on top of my mosquito netting which drapes from the ceiling, Lucy has a tent which she never closes, probably because she was also told that mosquitoes aren't a problem! Anyway, after several minutes of thrashing and sweeping, she zips up her tent. "Good, she at least got it out" I thought. And she didn't scream like I probably would have. But her constantly scratching in her hair for the rest of the night confirmed a genuine freakout on her part as well.

May 25, 2008 - Journal Entry

"I'm starting to like the nursery best. The smalls are so heavy and they give me a headache with all of their jumping. My favorite one in there though is Susie Q. She's a sweetheart with a little pink nose, so she's also easy to tell apart from the rest. The nursery babies are a little easier to tell apart and i'm starting to learn their differences. It's just a few of the boys that I still get mixed up. In there, my favorite is probably Dingaan. He's a little blonde baby with a pink face and tons of energy. He always has a stuffed animal with him when he goes to sleep and sometimes in the morning he won't let it go. So he will take it into the hok with him and defend it and carry it around all day. It's cute but kind of sad because when he first came to CARE a few months ago, he was clutching a teddy bear because he was so scared. The family that had kept him as a pet used to put him putside at night and all he had was his teddy bear.

"I'm starting to feel a little bit homesick...and literally sick. For the past two mornings I've been feeling nauseous. Both times during my first shift, I felt certian that I would throw up but it passed. I got hot and was sweating all over and felt dizzy. Both times I took some immodium, laid down for a while and was okay. I think it might be my malaria pills. IDK. But whatever it is, I hope it stops and doesn't get any worse."

May 24, 2008 - Journal Entry

"It's 7:00 AM. The wild baboons are stampeding across the tin roof. One of them just stole a piece of laundry off of the line out back. They're mischevious little suckers. But I have to admit, I am starting to fall in love with the babies. It's just that all the hair pulling and biting and throwing up on you all seems worth it when they start to trust you. When they fall asleep in your lap or when they run to you for a hug after they've been picked on by another baby. They look up at you with those eyes and...I wonder how they think of us? Zurika says that the baboons choose the people and not the other way around. It's funny how certain babies like some people more than others. But apparently, as a whole they've taken to me pretty quickly. It's nice to be chosen!

"It's only my third day here but I'm already beginning to fall into a pattern; I think i'm finally getting the hang of things around here. Jasper respects me a little more now so when he does bite, he only gets one in before I turn around and then he runs off and that's not even all that often. I'm really starting to enjoy spending time with the babies. And I'm realizing that they really are just babies. They need us. They get scared easily and run to you for reassurance. Even Jasper the bully.

"Yesterday I met the founder of CARE, Rita Miljo. She's like 80 years old or something. A tiny little German woman. She's been married three times and divorced three times. She carries a pistol and owns a shotgun. She keeps a "pet" python which she lets out at night to eat the rats. Basically, she's insane. But also pretty awesome. She feeds the wild ones even though they get by just fine mooching off of our baboons. Including the adult troops on the premises, CARE has around 600 baboons total. Now the wild ones harass her whenever she comes out of her house. Rita throws tantrums too. And unfortunately, if she's not happy, none of the staff is happy. Because at the end of the day, Rita always gets what she wants - no matter how illogical. Anyway, when we were going in to take the babies out for the morning, she looked at me and said "Oh, a new face" and shook my hand. That was it. Honestly, I was too star struck to say anything intelligent or memorable. After all, she's a legend. Anyone who works with primates, particularly baboons, knows and respects Rita. Oh, well. Maybe I'll get another chance to impress her with my brilliance! LOL

May 23, 2008 - Journal Entry 2

"I just finished a two hour shift. The first was in nursery and the second was in smalls (9 month - 1 yr olds). Today was better than yesterday. I'm starting to get used to the flies, filth and hay...and screaming babies. I guess that's a good thing. Anyway, I was in the hoks with Zurika- a native south African who has been working at the centre for about two years. She yelled at Jasper a few times in the beginning and after that he stayed away from both of us. I'm learning to be more relaxed around the babies and they are also getting used to me. There was a little less hair pulling, even though its still unnerving when they jump on your head. The second hour in smalls was even better because they're older. The downside is that they are bigger and heavier so it hurts more when they jump on you. But they are also a bit more mature and are beginning to form their troop rankings. So there is a little less play facing and more grooming as far as how they interact with us. As soon as I walked in, one of the babies named Fiore (flower in Italian) started grooming me. It was a strange experience but it felt good to be accepted by her as a friend. After about ten minutes of her grooming me, she sat on my lap and I groomed her. We switched off like this for most of the hour long shift. It was nice.


"I started reading a new book today called 'A Primate's Memoir'. It's about a zoologist who joins a troop of baboons in East Africa. It's an interesting telling of their behavior and it might even be helpful as I learn the body language and vocalizations of the babies. So all in all, I'm feeling a lot better today. I'm hopeful that I will be able to enjoy this experience and get to know each of the baboons. Afterall, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and an amazing, albeit challenging adventure.

May 23, 2008 - Journal Entry 1

"It's 7:00 AM. I made it through my first day, and I'm hopeful. I do actually like it here. It's peaceful and there's plenty of time for reflection. So here goes...

Reflections on yesterday:

1) Baboons stink. A lot. The smell of the zoo is delicious compared to this.

2) Baby baboons are like two year old human children with the strength of...well a baboon. They get into everything that you don't want them to. They hit, bite, pull hair and pick at your face. When they are in a big group, they gang up on you. If one is jumping on your head, they all are. If one sits on your lap, they all do. If one is mad at you, they all are. If you're giving one of them attention, they all want your attention.

3) Baboons can be very sweet when they want to be. And they're cute...when they're asleep.

4) I think I would enjoy being in the play rooms more if I wasn't constantly worrying about where Jasper was.

"Surprisingly, I do actually think that he likes me. When I first went back in the nursery yesterday afternoon, he didn't bite me at all for the first half hour. Instead, he sat on my lap (and head) and groomed me and even lip smacked me (that's like a baboon kiss/greeting). He even seemed to get jealous when the other babies tried to sit on my lap. He would bite them and chase them away (unfortunately). Did I mention that he is overly aggressive with the other babies as well as with people? And when I tried to get up to move out of the way of the girls who were cleaning, he bit my leg for the first time that shift. So I guess I am starting to understand Jaspers poor communication skills. He bit me because he didn't want me to leave him. He was afterall abandoned by the people who had kept him as a pet. On the other hand, understanding his motives doesn't excuse his behavior.

"After that first bite, it all went downhill. He would come up to me and lipsmack me and then all of a sudden start biting me - hard. His bites aren't playful nips like most of the babies, he attacks. Luckily their adult canines haven't come in yet. But he has a full set of teeth like a person and he leaves pretty bad bruises. My other problem with the baby hoks (an Afrikaans word for cage, I think) is my hair. Whenever I sit in there, the babies swing from it and pull it really hard. And it gets so dirty. Okay, time to get out of bed, eat, be social, etcetera.

May 22, 2008 - Journal Entry 3

"It's 2:30 now. I'm feeling a little better. I didn't go to the 1-2 shift . Instead I stayed back and talked to some of the other volunteers. It turns out that my first experience was prett normal. Most of them have black and blue marks all over them thanks to Jasper. So now that I've calmed down, I'm going to venture back into the nursery at 4:00.

"Well, I finished my second nursery shift. Afterall, I'm not a quitter. I am going to finish what I started and hopefully it will get better. Jasper was a little better but the whole experience is still pretty frightening. I tried to wear a scarf this time but that only lasted 5 seconds before they snatched it off. So I don't know what I'm going to do about my hair. And I can't even wash it because there's no hot water. Every rational cell in me is saying that this is too much. That I can't spend 3 - 4 hours a day being pissed on, thrown up on and bitten by these little monsters! I've never really been good with kids anyway. But that stupid voice in my head is telling me not to give up. I mean, i've gotten better at working with kids so maybe I'll get better at this too. Who knows...

"Okay, final thoughts of the day. It's been pretty emotional but all things considered, not a bad day. The people here are all great - otherwise, I might really be ready to go home. So I'm going to wait and see how tomorrow goes with the monsters. And I still have to figure out what to do about my hair other than wash it every day."

May 22, 2008 - Journal Entry 2

"It's 12:30. I'm at CARE. I feel deflated. I had my first experience with the babies today. I went into the nursery, which is 15 of the youngest orphaned baboons (6 months to 9 months). It was...overwhelming. The babies are all over the place climbing, jumping, grabbing and pulling - especially on my hair. There was one in particular named Jasper. He is a little older than the others and he used to be someone's pet. I don't know what they did to him but now he's a biter. And a big hair puller. One of the other girls who was in their with me said that he liked me because he kept playing with/on me. Unfortunately, he plays rough and I'm all red and bruised now. He even broke skin on one hand when I was trying to pull him down off of my head. I tried to be commanding but it was very intimidating and I kept forgetting the sound that meant "no/stop" in baboon. Jasper just would not leave me alone! But I made it through my first one hour shift. I was close to tears by the end but I didn't give up. Now I'm completely covered in pee, poop, food and monkey spit. I feel like I'm in over my head but I know that I can't give up. Not now. My next shift is from 1-2 and its with the next oldest troop (9 months to 1 yr), so no Jasper. But I can't let these baboons intimidate me. I did not come this far to give up now.

"Oh, not to mention, on the way in, we picked up a bunch of food and had it sitting in the back of the truck. So when we got here, the wild baboon troop that lives on the grounds jumped all over the truck trying to get at the food. And these were big, adult baboons. I thought one was going to come in through the window and bite me! So that was pretty scary. I'm dirty, itchy and slightly discouraged. But its just the first day. I'll be okay tomorrow.

May 22, 2008 - Journal Entry 1

"It's 6:30 in the morning. I'm shaking, I'm so excited! I'm writing mostly to calm my nerves. I am in Johannesburg, about to board my last flight to Phalaborwa...I am only a one-hour flight and a however long drive away from CARE! I can't believe that it was almost a year ago that I found out about CARE when I saw the episode of 'Growing Up Baboon' on Animal Planet and tomorrow morning I will finally be there! This is so exciting! I can't remember why I was so afraid to leave home - well, yes I can actually. But it wasn't home so much that I was afraid of leaving. But he promised that he would be waiting for me when I got back.



"It's 8:30 AM now. I'm at the Phalaborwa airport. It's a beautiful sunny morning. This tiny little airport looks more like the waiting room for disney's Animal Kingdom. And the 20 people who came with me on the jet are the only ones here. It's so quiet and peaceful. There are statues of animals and the whole thing is built like a giant hut. It's actually the airport for Kruger National Park. I wish I could call home, but it's 2:30 in the morning there.

May 20, 2008 - Journal Entry

"It's 8:30 at night. Right now I am on a plane to Amsterdam, where I will connect with my flight to South Africa. As I sit here by the window, looking out over the vast expanse of clouds, I'm amazed at the way that life falls into place. Four years ago, I was in South Africa for two weeks and ever since, I knew that I was coming back. I can't believe that it's actually happening, and everything that it has taken to make this dream come true.

"This morning was hard. I could only think about what I would be leaving behind - my family, friends, boyfriend, everything familiar and comfortable. I was terrified. And I couldn't stop crying, much to my embarresment. But once my parents left me at the airport, I had to pull it together. Reading Jane Goodall's book "Reason for Hope" brought my spirits up a lot. She was only two years older than me when she set out for Africa for the first time. Imagining the fear and awe that she also must have felt, and knowing how blessed she became, I felt much better and much more calm. I remembered that this is what I was born to do - where I am supposed to be. Nothing that led me here was an accident. Right now, I can honestly say that I am very excited to be embarking on this adventure. And I am extremely grateful for the challenge.

"It's 3:00 in the morning by my watch and I am at my layover in Amsterdam (Holland? The Netherlands? Where am I?). It's 9:00 AM here but I'm exhausted. I didn't sleep at all on my flight over. On the brightside, I'm almost done reading Jane Goodall. And the airline food was surprisingly good. I'm hoping to sleep the entire eleven hour flight from here to Johannesburg"

Affirmation

Before I left, my family threw me a small going away party at which my second mother Momma Sandi was the master (mistress?) of ceremonies. She had everyone decorate envelopes and write me letters which I took with me and read periodically throughout the month. Thank you to everyone who wrote to me and to Momma Sandi for the idea. My letters were a great source of comfort and encouragement when I needed them most and I will cherish them always.

Momma Sandi also had each of the guests say one word which reminded them of me. The words were: loving, passionate, successful, pulchritude (Latin word meaning Beautiful; thanks Keia!), grace, elegance, spiritual, determined and wise. Then I was instructed to use each word in a sentence to create an affirmation ( Something declared to be true; a positive statement or judgment) to take with me on my journey. With help from my sister Nia, I came up with the following affirmation:

I will be loving to every creature that I meet
I will be passionate in everything that I do
I will be successful as long as I am happy
I exude pulchritude
I will live in grace
I will walk in elegance
I will cling to my spirituality
I will maintain my determination
I will heed the wisdom of my elders