May 30, 2008 - Journal Entry

Beverly, or Bev is around forty years old, Southern and has one of the biggest, most jovial laughs I've ever heard. She's a pastor, which I never would have guessed because she's so much fun to be around, and I didn't find out until after we had already become friends. I wonder what it must be like for her to be living with and hanging around so many college students for a whole month. But if it did ever bother her, Bev never let it show. She has a way of making everyone feel like family. The two of us talked for about an hour the other day about our lives, families and how we ended up here. She, like everyone else here, hated it for the first few days. But now her love for the babies and all of us is obvious. And oddly enough, even though I've only known her for a week, I'm going to miss her. You bond quickly under these circumstances.

Bev is leaving in half an hour. It's going to feel kind of empty here without her. Last night at dinner she read the most beautiful poem that she had written about CARE called "Baboon Days and Baboon Nights". It perfectly captured this whole experience. I have to get a copy of it from her somehow. I suggested that she turn it into a children's book complete with pictures. I hope she actually does it.

Paul and Stephen, the only guys on the staff, are supposed to be leaving tomorrow to go check out a possible release site for another troop of baboons. That's good, but I'm not doing so well dealing with so many people leaving. In three days Susan leaves. I think that's it until Jen and Holly who leave the same week that I do. I wonder how the house dynamics will change when we start to get new people coming in.

It's 9:00 at night now. Everyone's getting ready for bed. We go to sleep early here but after dinner there isn't much to do. Anyway, my schedules have gotten considerably longer. Instead of 3 or 4 hours of work every day, now it's 6 or 7. They were definately just breaking me in the first week. This morning I got up at 7AM to sort avacados and I have my first afternoon clean up shift tomorrow, which I'm not looking forward to. Three more weeks. I told my mom about the rats and she freaked out too. If I had told her that one was in my bed she probably would have been on the next plane with my cats in toe ready to cuss these people out.

I'm not feeling so jazzed about being here right now. That seems to happen mostly at night. During the day I'm distracted with work and being social and its warm and beautiful. At night it's uncomfortable and cold and rat-infested and I would give anything to be home with my boyfriend, in my bed ordering a pizza. But I am trying to be positive. Three more weeks...

May 29, 2008 - Journal Entry

I can't believe that I've actually been here for one whole week! Only three more left...and I'm actually really starting to like it here. I haven't seen the babies in two days because I wasn't feeling well and I miss them! Weird, I know. Also, I heard that we are supposed to be getting some new babies soon and starting a new troop. This also means that the smalls will be moving to a new hok away from the nursery (which is currently right next door) and Jasper will be moving with them! I mean really he is there age but apparently he was depressed in their before and so they put him in with nursery, but it was only supposed to be temporary. Now he considers them his troop and vice verse. So when they tried to put him back in with the smalls, they beat him up and when he cried, the nursery babies would back him up and start flashing (a sign of aggression) the smalls. This would mean both troops mobbing each other, which is never good. Now that the nursery babies won't be able to hear him crying, he'll just have to suck it up and adjust. Not to say that I don't feel a little bit bad for him, but without him the atmosphere in nursery would be so much better!

Today is shopping day and thank god because there is no food in this house. You would think that if every week, we run out of food two days before shopping day, then we need to start buying more food...but it has yet to happen that way. For lunch today I will be eating leftovers from last nights adventure into the real world. We all splurged. I even had dessert!

It's 6:00 and its been a long day. The air around here is tense. There seems to be a lot going on with the staff, but of course the volunteers aren't privy to any of the details, only bits and pieces that we mostly just overhear. And personally, I had four shifts with the babies instead of my usual three. I think that they were just going easy on me for the first week. Anyway, at first I was glad for the extra time because I had missed two days with them. But by the time that last 4-5 shift rolled around, I was worn out. The babies were all cranky and sleepy by then too. And people were trying to clean up while I was in there, which is always akward. And on top of all of that, when I was sitting up against the fence that borders one of the older troops (they're about four years old), one of them grabbed my hair and yanked it and would not let go. I screamed, it hurt so bad! Whoever it was finally let go once someone else came up and banged on the fence. Honestly though, I know that it could have been much worse so I can't really complain. They're cheeky little monkeys! Oh well, at the end of a long day, a hot shower and a good meal fixes everything!

May 28, 2008 - Journal Entry

Today is laundry day for me. Thank God because I have no clean clothes left. I've been wearing the same pair of pants for two days now which is disgusting but unfortunately not uncommon around here. There is a community chest of clothes but I haven't worked up the nerve to dig into it yet. My pride won't let me. But I don't think that I can wake up another morning and put on clothes that have already been babooned. Since I'm not on the schedule today I think I'll just walk around and take some pictures and avoid getting any dirtier.

Susan, the pre-vet student adopted a baby vervet monkey with a concussion to try and nurse it back to health. It's adorable and tiny. She named him Marley.

I finished reading "A Primate's Memoir" and started reading "The Tribe of Tiger". It's making me miss my cats. That's what this place is missing, a cat. It could help with all of the rats, which I no longer have any sympathy for. Listening to them scurrying around at night really does make me want to go home.

It's cool today. And there's a nice breeze. I'm sitting upstairs on the balcony of the lodge looking out over the river. It's a pretty amazing view. The slight smell of wood (what the beams of the lodge are made of) really makes it feel like I'm just away at camp. Molly, one of Rita's dogs is barking at the wild baboons outside of the gate. I can hear the workers talking to each other down the hil in the feedroom even though I can't understand any of it. It's a lazy day. It feels like it should be a weekend. But really, weekends don't mean much around here. We have to take care of the baboons every day, obviously. But the days are very relaxed. We do a few hours of work and just enjoy each others company for the rest of the time. It still seems surreal to actually be in Africa.

It's 10:30 at night. Marley, the baby vervet monkey died a few hours ago. Susan was here watching him with Holly and Howie. Michaela, Zurika, Stephen and Elena stayed behind too. The rest of us went out to dinner at a resteraunt called Spurs to celebrate a woman named Beverly's last night with us. Spurs is sort of like South Africa's version of Applebees. We all hopped in the back of Sue's pickup truck, at night, and rode into town. It was great. There night sky here is amazing. I've never seen so many stars out! And we saw at least three shooting stars! I'm a little too tired to get into all of the details now, but everyone had a good time.

May 27, 2008 - Journal Entry

Another one bites the dust. I'm staying in bed today. Yesterday the nausea and dizziness didn't go away and I almost passed out during my last shift, cleaning bottles. Yes, I finished all of my shifts. I thought that I would be okay just resting on my breaks. And in my defense, sitting with the babies wasn't so bad. It was only when I exerted energy that I got really dizzy. I didn't eat anything yesterday either for fear of throwing up so that probably didn't help. When I told my mom, she insisted that I let them know I was sick instead of just going right to sleep like I had intended to. So I did and everyone was really nice about it. One girl named Susan even brought me tea. That made me feel a lot more at home here because I always seem to revert back to a three year old, and want my parents or boyfriend to take care of me when I get sick. But I suppose in this case, having friends is the next best thing.

It's 9:00 at night. And it's been a good day. I rested for most of it and I'm feeling much better. I bonded with the girls over dinner and we sang "Across the Universe" songs. I heard some gossip about one of the couples here, which may or may not be true - but we get really bored here without a TV so whatever, it's entertaining. One of the girls named Liz also told me that the wild troop have harassed her on more than one ocassion and that one of the females even bit her! Now I've never had this problem and I was told when I first got here that as long as you respect them, they will respect you. So basically, ignore them and they will ignore you. So much for that. I think they can sense your fear and will pick on you if they know you're afraid. Bullies.

I also got to talk to mom and Omar, which was nice. So all things considered, its been a pretty productive day. Even though I'm feeling better, Zurika decided to leave me off of the schedule tomorrow just in case. So I have to figure out if/when I'm going to head down to the hoks. We'll see...

May 26, 2008 - Journal Entry

I don't feel so good. I'm hoping its just cramps and nothing worse because several people are sick already. I think it's the smell. Everywhere you go in this place is the overpowering, inescapable smell of shit. It can't be good for you.

Last night was by far the worst night since I've been here. While I was getting ready for bed, I saw a mosquito on my bed netting. I killed it, but I freaked out because I had gotten lax about putting on bug repellant because I was told that mosquitoes weren't a problem in the winter! So I proceeded to slather repellant on my neck and hands, both of which would be covered once I got into bed anyway. I also saw what looked like a hornet buzzing around our ceiling light and freaked out again. I turned the light off and jumped into bed before I was actually ready. So my hair wasn't covered. Earlier at dinner, one of the girls who has been here before, Holly told us that her first night here she didn't have a tent and woke up with a rat burrowing in her hair! So last night I woke up to someone puking next door in the bathroom and a few minutes later I felt the unmistakeable sensation of an animal crawling over my foot. I'm quite familiar with this feeling from having had cats for so long, but this time I again freaked out. I flopped around for a few minutes hoping to scare it away. Successful. But then I couldn't sleep because I could hear it still in the room scurrying around.

A few minutes later my roomate Lucy starts thrashing around. "Oh no", I'm thinking "It's in her tent now". Whereas it was probably on top of my mosquito netting which drapes from the ceiling, Lucy has a tent which she never closes, probably because she was also told that mosquitoes aren't a problem! Anyway, after several minutes of thrashing and sweeping, she zips up her tent. "Good, she at least got it out" I thought. And she didn't scream like I probably would have. But her constantly scratching in her hair for the rest of the night confirmed a genuine freakout on her part as well.

May 25, 2008 - Journal Entry

"I'm starting to like the nursery best. The smalls are so heavy and they give me a headache with all of their jumping. My favorite one in there though is Susie Q. She's a sweetheart with a little pink nose, so she's also easy to tell apart from the rest. The nursery babies are a little easier to tell apart and i'm starting to learn their differences. It's just a few of the boys that I still get mixed up. In there, my favorite is probably Dingaan. He's a little blonde baby with a pink face and tons of energy. He always has a stuffed animal with him when he goes to sleep and sometimes in the morning he won't let it go. So he will take it into the hok with him and defend it and carry it around all day. It's cute but kind of sad because when he first came to CARE a few months ago, he was clutching a teddy bear because he was so scared. The family that had kept him as a pet used to put him putside at night and all he had was his teddy bear.

"I'm starting to feel a little bit homesick...and literally sick. For the past two mornings I've been feeling nauseous. Both times during my first shift, I felt certian that I would throw up but it passed. I got hot and was sweating all over and felt dizzy. Both times I took some immodium, laid down for a while and was okay. I think it might be my malaria pills. IDK. But whatever it is, I hope it stops and doesn't get any worse."

May 24, 2008 - Journal Entry

"It's 7:00 AM. The wild baboons are stampeding across the tin roof. One of them just stole a piece of laundry off of the line out back. They're mischevious little suckers. But I have to admit, I am starting to fall in love with the babies. It's just that all the hair pulling and biting and throwing up on you all seems worth it when they start to trust you. When they fall asleep in your lap or when they run to you for a hug after they've been picked on by another baby. They look up at you with those eyes and...I wonder how they think of us? Zurika says that the baboons choose the people and not the other way around. It's funny how certain babies like some people more than others. But apparently, as a whole they've taken to me pretty quickly. It's nice to be chosen!

"It's only my third day here but I'm already beginning to fall into a pattern; I think i'm finally getting the hang of things around here. Jasper respects me a little more now so when he does bite, he only gets one in before I turn around and then he runs off and that's not even all that often. I'm really starting to enjoy spending time with the babies. And I'm realizing that they really are just babies. They need us. They get scared easily and run to you for reassurance. Even Jasper the bully.

"Yesterday I met the founder of CARE, Rita Miljo. She's like 80 years old or something. A tiny little German woman. She's been married three times and divorced three times. She carries a pistol and owns a shotgun. She keeps a "pet" python which she lets out at night to eat the rats. Basically, she's insane. But also pretty awesome. She feeds the wild ones even though they get by just fine mooching off of our baboons. Including the adult troops on the premises, CARE has around 600 baboons total. Now the wild ones harass her whenever she comes out of her house. Rita throws tantrums too. And unfortunately, if she's not happy, none of the staff is happy. Because at the end of the day, Rita always gets what she wants - no matter how illogical. Anyway, when we were going in to take the babies out for the morning, she looked at me and said "Oh, a new face" and shook my hand. That was it. Honestly, I was too star struck to say anything intelligent or memorable. After all, she's a legend. Anyone who works with primates, particularly baboons, knows and respects Rita. Oh, well. Maybe I'll get another chance to impress her with my brilliance! LOL

May 23, 2008 - Journal Entry 2

"I just finished a two hour shift. The first was in nursery and the second was in smalls (9 month - 1 yr olds). Today was better than yesterday. I'm starting to get used to the flies, filth and hay...and screaming babies. I guess that's a good thing. Anyway, I was in the hoks with Zurika- a native south African who has been working at the centre for about two years. She yelled at Jasper a few times in the beginning and after that he stayed away from both of us. I'm learning to be more relaxed around the babies and they are also getting used to me. There was a little less hair pulling, even though its still unnerving when they jump on your head. The second hour in smalls was even better because they're older. The downside is that they are bigger and heavier so it hurts more when they jump on you. But they are also a bit more mature and are beginning to form their troop rankings. So there is a little less play facing and more grooming as far as how they interact with us. As soon as I walked in, one of the babies named Fiore (flower in Italian) started grooming me. It was a strange experience but it felt good to be accepted by her as a friend. After about ten minutes of her grooming me, she sat on my lap and I groomed her. We switched off like this for most of the hour long shift. It was nice.


"I started reading a new book today called 'A Primate's Memoir'. It's about a zoologist who joins a troop of baboons in East Africa. It's an interesting telling of their behavior and it might even be helpful as I learn the body language and vocalizations of the babies. So all in all, I'm feeling a lot better today. I'm hopeful that I will be able to enjoy this experience and get to know each of the baboons. Afterall, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and an amazing, albeit challenging adventure.

May 23, 2008 - Journal Entry 1

"It's 7:00 AM. I made it through my first day, and I'm hopeful. I do actually like it here. It's peaceful and there's plenty of time for reflection. So here goes...

Reflections on yesterday:

1) Baboons stink. A lot. The smell of the zoo is delicious compared to this.

2) Baby baboons are like two year old human children with the strength of...well a baboon. They get into everything that you don't want them to. They hit, bite, pull hair and pick at your face. When they are in a big group, they gang up on you. If one is jumping on your head, they all are. If one sits on your lap, they all do. If one is mad at you, they all are. If you're giving one of them attention, they all want your attention.

3) Baboons can be very sweet when they want to be. And they're cute...when they're asleep.

4) I think I would enjoy being in the play rooms more if I wasn't constantly worrying about where Jasper was.

"Surprisingly, I do actually think that he likes me. When I first went back in the nursery yesterday afternoon, he didn't bite me at all for the first half hour. Instead, he sat on my lap (and head) and groomed me and even lip smacked me (that's like a baboon kiss/greeting). He even seemed to get jealous when the other babies tried to sit on my lap. He would bite them and chase them away (unfortunately). Did I mention that he is overly aggressive with the other babies as well as with people? And when I tried to get up to move out of the way of the girls who were cleaning, he bit my leg for the first time that shift. So I guess I am starting to understand Jaspers poor communication skills. He bit me because he didn't want me to leave him. He was afterall abandoned by the people who had kept him as a pet. On the other hand, understanding his motives doesn't excuse his behavior.

"After that first bite, it all went downhill. He would come up to me and lipsmack me and then all of a sudden start biting me - hard. His bites aren't playful nips like most of the babies, he attacks. Luckily their adult canines haven't come in yet. But he has a full set of teeth like a person and he leaves pretty bad bruises. My other problem with the baby hoks (an Afrikaans word for cage, I think) is my hair. Whenever I sit in there, the babies swing from it and pull it really hard. And it gets so dirty. Okay, time to get out of bed, eat, be social, etcetera.

May 22, 2008 - Journal Entry 3

"It's 2:30 now. I'm feeling a little better. I didn't go to the 1-2 shift . Instead I stayed back and talked to some of the other volunteers. It turns out that my first experience was prett normal. Most of them have black and blue marks all over them thanks to Jasper. So now that I've calmed down, I'm going to venture back into the nursery at 4:00.

"Well, I finished my second nursery shift. Afterall, I'm not a quitter. I am going to finish what I started and hopefully it will get better. Jasper was a little better but the whole experience is still pretty frightening. I tried to wear a scarf this time but that only lasted 5 seconds before they snatched it off. So I don't know what I'm going to do about my hair. And I can't even wash it because there's no hot water. Every rational cell in me is saying that this is too much. That I can't spend 3 - 4 hours a day being pissed on, thrown up on and bitten by these little monsters! I've never really been good with kids anyway. But that stupid voice in my head is telling me not to give up. I mean, i've gotten better at working with kids so maybe I'll get better at this too. Who knows...

"Okay, final thoughts of the day. It's been pretty emotional but all things considered, not a bad day. The people here are all great - otherwise, I might really be ready to go home. So I'm going to wait and see how tomorrow goes with the monsters. And I still have to figure out what to do about my hair other than wash it every day."

May 22, 2008 - Journal Entry 2

"It's 12:30. I'm at CARE. I feel deflated. I had my first experience with the babies today. I went into the nursery, which is 15 of the youngest orphaned baboons (6 months to 9 months). It was...overwhelming. The babies are all over the place climbing, jumping, grabbing and pulling - especially on my hair. There was one in particular named Jasper. He is a little older than the others and he used to be someone's pet. I don't know what they did to him but now he's a biter. And a big hair puller. One of the other girls who was in their with me said that he liked me because he kept playing with/on me. Unfortunately, he plays rough and I'm all red and bruised now. He even broke skin on one hand when I was trying to pull him down off of my head. I tried to be commanding but it was very intimidating and I kept forgetting the sound that meant "no/stop" in baboon. Jasper just would not leave me alone! But I made it through my first one hour shift. I was close to tears by the end but I didn't give up. Now I'm completely covered in pee, poop, food and monkey spit. I feel like I'm in over my head but I know that I can't give up. Not now. My next shift is from 1-2 and its with the next oldest troop (9 months to 1 yr), so no Jasper. But I can't let these baboons intimidate me. I did not come this far to give up now.

"Oh, not to mention, on the way in, we picked up a bunch of food and had it sitting in the back of the truck. So when we got here, the wild baboon troop that lives on the grounds jumped all over the truck trying to get at the food. And these were big, adult baboons. I thought one was going to come in through the window and bite me! So that was pretty scary. I'm dirty, itchy and slightly discouraged. But its just the first day. I'll be okay tomorrow.

May 22, 2008 - Journal Entry 1

"It's 6:30 in the morning. I'm shaking, I'm so excited! I'm writing mostly to calm my nerves. I am in Johannesburg, about to board my last flight to Phalaborwa...I am only a one-hour flight and a however long drive away from CARE! I can't believe that it was almost a year ago that I found out about CARE when I saw the episode of 'Growing Up Baboon' on Animal Planet and tomorrow morning I will finally be there! This is so exciting! I can't remember why I was so afraid to leave home - well, yes I can actually. But it wasn't home so much that I was afraid of leaving. But he promised that he would be waiting for me when I got back.



"It's 8:30 AM now. I'm at the Phalaborwa airport. It's a beautiful sunny morning. This tiny little airport looks more like the waiting room for disney's Animal Kingdom. And the 20 people who came with me on the jet are the only ones here. It's so quiet and peaceful. There are statues of animals and the whole thing is built like a giant hut. It's actually the airport for Kruger National Park. I wish I could call home, but it's 2:30 in the morning there.

May 20, 2008 - Journal Entry

"It's 8:30 at night. Right now I am on a plane to Amsterdam, where I will connect with my flight to South Africa. As I sit here by the window, looking out over the vast expanse of clouds, I'm amazed at the way that life falls into place. Four years ago, I was in South Africa for two weeks and ever since, I knew that I was coming back. I can't believe that it's actually happening, and everything that it has taken to make this dream come true.

"This morning was hard. I could only think about what I would be leaving behind - my family, friends, boyfriend, everything familiar and comfortable. I was terrified. And I couldn't stop crying, much to my embarresment. But once my parents left me at the airport, I had to pull it together. Reading Jane Goodall's book "Reason for Hope" brought my spirits up a lot. She was only two years older than me when she set out for Africa for the first time. Imagining the fear and awe that she also must have felt, and knowing how blessed she became, I felt much better and much more calm. I remembered that this is what I was born to do - where I am supposed to be. Nothing that led me here was an accident. Right now, I can honestly say that I am very excited to be embarking on this adventure. And I am extremely grateful for the challenge.

"It's 3:00 in the morning by my watch and I am at my layover in Amsterdam (Holland? The Netherlands? Where am I?). It's 9:00 AM here but I'm exhausted. I didn't sleep at all on my flight over. On the brightside, I'm almost done reading Jane Goodall. And the airline food was surprisingly good. I'm hoping to sleep the entire eleven hour flight from here to Johannesburg"

Affirmation

Before I left, my family threw me a small going away party at which my second mother Momma Sandi was the master (mistress?) of ceremonies. She had everyone decorate envelopes and write me letters which I took with me and read periodically throughout the month. Thank you to everyone who wrote to me and to Momma Sandi for the idea. My letters were a great source of comfort and encouragement when I needed them most and I will cherish them always.

Momma Sandi also had each of the guests say one word which reminded them of me. The words were: loving, passionate, successful, pulchritude (Latin word meaning Beautiful; thanks Keia!), grace, elegance, spiritual, determined and wise. Then I was instructed to use each word in a sentence to create an affirmation ( Something declared to be true; a positive statement or judgment) to take with me on my journey. With help from my sister Nia, I came up with the following affirmation:

I will be loving to every creature that I meet
I will be passionate in everything that I do
I will be successful as long as I am happy
I exude pulchritude
I will live in grace
I will walk in elegance
I will cling to my spirituality
I will maintain my determination
I will heed the wisdom of my elders